So, Maha, Latifa, and I reorganized the chairs:
Then altogether, we did the last bits of set-up, moving the extra chairs, sofas, tables away from the space.
All of us were working together, but I kept feeling this disconnect when one person would keep saying I’ll do this, I’ll do this by myself, and I felt that this was very unnecessary and we could do it all together. I felt that this was rather hurting the group, and it only made me think about how much work she’s done, and therefore emphasized that she hadn’t done much work until now.
The cleaners cleaned the four bottles that I drank, that Ebi took, so we had to gulp down water again, we put them in new garangao bags that Maha got, because they were not exactly the same she got 18. Then Ebi tied the present bow:
I typed this out and then flipped it, so it would make it easy to just glue and cut around the vinyl:
Then Latifa, Maha, and I cut out type, because we couldn’t get the bands like in airports that indicate the line-up of people.
So Maha and I stuck it on like this, and put the block benches in a row, to indicate that they should stand in this direction, we had to hope they wouldn’t sit.
What I learned today about myself, was that I need active members of the group. For me I realized that the most important thing is that we respect the group and try to input as much as you can. But, you should not say I’ll do this and that, if it is not possible.
Also something I realized was that I am a very cold and critical person. I am not very understanding about whether a person hasn’t had sleep or whatnot, because I feel that we are all taking classes, we all have a lot of work, it doesn’t give you an excuse. I said it was fine, but most of the time, I wasn’t thinking the same.
I realized that communication is very hard. You almost have to talk to people as they are babies of some sort. Be clear and to the point. I felt for the first time in my life that my communication skills may be terrible. I had to really struggle through allowing myself to not hurry my ideas, understand that they are not imagining very diverse things.
TOday, I began thinking, because Latifa asked me, if I felt that she did enough work.
I told her that I felt that the only really big thing that I felt in the beginning was that she wasn’t being honest with her opinions. And I understood that it was because there would be an increase in arguments, possibly, but in the beginning this was quite difficult, because I was trying to input everyone’s opinions. Then I began thinking that this applied to another person as well.
We had two people that didn’t really speak up, but one person that I had a struggle with. For several reasons. I felt that she wanted to be given enough credit, so she would always say that she would do this and that. But then, I felt that she was wanting to do more than she could make time for, which was actually less helpful. And our opinions kept clashing, clearly, which wasn’t a problem. In the beginning, I thought it was half our faults for having disagreements, but when we voted, and still she couldn’t concede, I was done. One class she went to get the materials we asked her to get before class, and didn’t tell us she was going to get them during class. I was getting personally frustrated with time.
This question stirred my thinking a lot. I began thinking about each of us. I thought about myself in this process. I was reminded of the groups comment that I was a perfectionist, which I really disagree about, but I thought maybe this is how I appeared, when I thought I was just trying my best.
Then, I began thinking about why I was struggling with this one person. And just decided that next time, if the group takes a vote, and the general says one thing, even if one person really disagrees and is unhappy, we should take the general vote. I felt that I was stupid to do this.
I also thought that if this happened next time, I would have to confront this person separately and ask her to share her work, even if it wasn’t much, and I was giving more to myself or another person, if her progress has been slow, I shouldn’t just watch idly.
I think I need to learn to confront the people that I am working with.
This is me testing makeup: